What does it mean to be PRESENT?

Sit Like a Stone…

It’s Okay to not Do an Just Be

In the last blog post I talked about ReFraME spelled with a capital ME. Meaning the most important part about ReFraME is ME. It starts with ME.

I ended the article by giving the example of throwing a stone into a pond and the ripple effect that goes through the water from that stone.

Now I would like to focus on the stone. When a stone is thrown into the water the stone is still even though the ripples go on for a few seconds. On a daily basis we need to be still like a stone.

Why is it important to be still like a stone?

Because It is so easy to be consumed with the daily grid of what needs to be done. Our mile long to do list, appointments, school, work, sports, all the extracurricular actives of life, many times cause us to forget the beauty and importance of just being still. Sometime our brains even tell us it’s not okay to just be still. In all the commotion and noise, we forget to listen. We forget to listen to those around us who matter most in our lives.

When we get still, we can hear better. Stillness and listening creates PRESENSE! This is such an important concept for us as humans. I think we have gotten so far away from the concept of being present because of the busyness of our lives and technology. We constantly have interferences around us and in our head that it is rare for us to be quiet and therefore be present with ourselves and those around us.

I know as a working mom and business owner, it is something that I struggle with every day. I have to consciously remind myself to move away from my phone and focus on those around me. I just need to send this one text. I just need to respond to that one email. Even if I am not on my phone, I may have 10 other thoughts racing through my head about the office, causing me not to be present with my family.

I will never forget 2 of my children teaching me this lesson so well. I was sitting across from them one night at dinner. My daughter was talking to me. All of a sudden, I heard my son Zach say, Zoie, stop talking, mom isn’t even listening. Hearing him say this jolted me back in to the present moment. He was right I had not been listening. I had been thinking about things I needed to do. Events from earlier that day at the office. It wasn’t intentional. And that was the problem. I was on autopilot. Trying to look like the listening involved mom, but in reality, I was nowhere even close to being present in the moment. It hurt my heart to think that I hadn’t taken the time to fully listen to my daughter, to be present for her and my son. Now as she is grown and about to get married, I cherish each and every minute I get to spend with her. But at that moment, I missed a wonderful opportunity to show her how important she is in my life, but simply just not being present enough to hear her.

Recently I was working with a one of our interns with a nonverbal learning challenged child. She was busy on her phone and not paying attention to the child sitting right in front of her. I said, you know it is important for you to be present when you are with this particular child or any child for that matter. She is about 24 years old and she looked at me as if I was speaking a foreign language. She shook her head and said, what does that mean? Then I was the one who looked shocked and said, you don’t know what it means to be present? She shook her head no. I said okay, we are going to start right now practicing being present in the moment. Start by talking out loud what you are doing. She said I don’t understand what you are asking me to do. Tell me where your body is right now, I said. She responded with a questioning tone, sitting on the floor? Yes, you are sitting on the floor. Go on… What are you holding? She responded with a dry erase marker? Yes, so say that. She reluctantly responded with, I am holding a dry erase marker.

This is a way to practice being present. Instead of doing things on auto pilot all the time and going through the motions of your day, intentionally stop and ask yourself several times throughout the day, where am I? What am I doing? Of course, we know where we are and what we are doing on a subconscious level, but it is important to be conscious and present with others in our environment, and most of all with our children.

What does it mean if we lose our presence with those around us?

It means lack of engagement, especially with those we love the most. I am reminded of constantly when I go out to dinner. Dinner time has changed so much in the last 15 years. Dining together! Dining now for our teenagers usually involves a phone or an iPad. Children are playing games or watching a movie while eating at restaurant instead of engaging with their family.

Our family went to Cayman Islands this past summer with all five of our children. Because our children are grown and working in different states, it is hard for us all to be together on a regular basis. Even though we had international service on our phones, the cellular signal was a week and so the internet really didn’t work. For a week, I got to have my children’s undivided attention and presence and I was able to give them the same thing. It was a wonderful time and a cherished vacation, not because of where we were, but that they we were all present with each other.

How do we create presence?

Well it can be as simple as saying I am going to not take my phone to dinner. I am going to turn off the TV and just talk. Or just be still like a stone. Maybe you need to start at a very conscious level like my intern and say, I am walking upstairs, I am holding a pen. That is a wonderful exercise for all of us to practice. Being fully present, being still like a stone with those around us can be hugely rewarding.

Just like we talked about in ReFraME, it starts with you Me. You have the power to create the change.

In the words of Mother Teresa, yesterday has gone, tomorrow has not yet come. We only have today. Let’s Begin!!!

Thank you for joining me on this journey!!!